Toy Soldiers to face off against “Crusher” Collins

Friday, 18 May 2012 by Andrew McMillan

Following ACC Minister Judith Collins initiating defamation proceedings against Trevor Mallard and Andrew Little, Little has come out with fighting talk.

According to the NZ Herald, he had this to say:

I have absolutely no respect for the litigation, the process or the person behind it so I'm going to do what I can to make it as difficult as possible for her and anyone else involved in it.

One has to wonder if these two will ever grow up…

Andrew_Little_Trevor_Mallard_Judith_Collins

Health Boss Beer Bong or Timaru Herald Dead Wrong?

Thursday, 17 May 2012 by Andrew McMillan

A lead story in today’s Timaru Herald entitled Health boss photographed drinking from beer bong details the exploits of one Murray Cleverley and his close association with a beer bong. Not wanting to be sensationalist, the paper decided not to publish the photographic evidence of the deed, instead leaving it up to the readers imagination. Hmm, maybe it went down something like this…

Banned_In_Timaru

Following on from the story, was the main editorial piece, where Editor Peter O’Neill agonised over his reasons for printing such an un-newsworthy story. It turns out that neither O’Neill nor his reporters could bring themselves to ever look Cleverley in the eye again, as a health boss, knowing that he’s partaken in such a hideous deed.

Before you reach for the tissues in symphony of the poor reporters, I’d suggest that you might want to get the whole box. As now that the Timaru Herald have found themselves firmly perched on the moral high-ground, surely there’ll be a string of ground-breaking confessions gracing the pages of the Timaru Herald in the coming days. That is, unless their newly acquired conscience whimpers in the face of public ridicule.

John Key enters Hostile Waters

Wednesday, 16 May 2012 by Andrew McMillan

Dear oh dear, John Key has just experienced that awful moment when he’s realised that the media actually has teeth. Will his usual wave and smile technique enable him to escape these hostile waters?John_Key_Aggressive_Media

It’s no wonder the media are in a frenzy though. What with Gerry Brownlee’s foolhardy attack on Finland, the on-going ACC debacle that’s already cost one Minister his job, and the bizarre behaviour from the Minister who may have come up the river on a cabbage boat after all.

As Key explains in the video with Newstalk ZB's Leighton Smith below, he has a big agenda that he wants his Government to push through. Key admits that some of this agenda is contentious and he expects tougher media scrutiny as a result.

Key’s reality is that it’s only going to get tougher from here. The last thing he needs is Ministers creating side-shows. I fear that if he doesn’t set an example shortly then the rot will set in, leading to a disaster of a second term.

Key contemplates Gay Marriage

Friday, 11 May 2012 by Andrew McMillan

Gay marriage has been the hot topic of the week, ever since US President Barrack Obama declared his support for it.

Following Obama’s lead, John Key has declared his position that he “doesn’t oppose” gay marriage. Logically one could deduce that this means he supports gay marriage, but politics isn’t logical. In reality I think he’s plonked himself on the fence, neither opposing nor supporting gay marriage.

Although in saying that, Colin Craig's proposal that his Conservative Party could be a coalition partner for National might have got John Key thinking. Maybe gay marriage isn't such a bad thing after all...

John_Key_Gay_Marriage

Categories:   John Key | Colin Craig | Satire | Gay Marriage

Full extent of Timaru Harbour oil slick revealed

Friday, 11 May 2012 by Andrew McMillan

Following last weeks oil spill into the Timaru Harbour from Sanford’s deep-sea fishing vessel San Enterprise, New Zealand First Party Leader, Winston Peters claimed the spill was far worse than reported. Peters claimed 40,000 litres of oil had leaked into the harbour instead of ECan’s reported figure of 4,000 litres.

Further investigation reveals that indeed there may be more crud (sic) than first reported, but ironically the further 36,000 litres may have come from Peters himself…

Winston_Peters_Oil_Slick

I don't know if it's the grease in his hair or a somewhat unfortunate accident, but it appears that Winston Peters has made a bit of a mess in Timaru…

Categories:   Satire | Winston Peters | Prime Port

Mallard Spoils for a Fight

Thursday, 10 May 2012 by Andrew McMillan

Ahoy there! Looks like Trevor Mallard has borrowed John Banks' Cabbage Boat to come ashore...

Mad_Dog_Mallard

..and apparently he’s got some National Party Board meeting papers that show just what they think of Colin Craig and his Conservative Party. To be revealed in the House today.

Categories:   Trevor Mallard | Colin Craig | Satire

Keys new diet: Cabbages for Tea, Nuts for Breakfast

Wednesday, 9 May 2012 by Andrew McMillan

John Key never dreamt in a thousand years that he'd end up in Don Brash's footsteps...Banks_Key_Cabbage_Boat

Categories:   John Banks | John Key | Satire | Colin Craig

Banks hunkers down to weather the storm

Tuesday, 8 May 2012 by Andrew McMillan

John Banks has taken to his cabbage boat to try and weather hurricane Kim Dotcom.

John_Banks_Tea_Cup

Categories:   John Banks | Kim Dotcom | Satire

Dotcom to Banks – Dance to This

Tuesday, 8 May 2012 by Andrew McMillan

In the continuing saga of John Banks and his election donations, Kim Dotcom has seized the initiative by producing a professional dance beat, which takes a jab at Banks. I put this video together to accompany the song:

Categories:   Kim Dotcom | John Banks | Satire

An Analysis of Local Government Debt

Sunday, 6 May 2012 by Andrew McMillan

Council_DebtThe Government's recent announcement that Local Government is in for a shake-up, with its intention to re-focus Councils on core business and rein in ever increasing levels of expenditure and debt, has been well received in the trenches.

Stuff initially set up a talking point around Council expenditure and debt per population, but this was never going to be useful in terms of measuring the financial management of Councils. Economies of scale are by far the biggest factor in terms of looking at financials on a per capita basis. Smaller Councils generally have larger debts per population, but they also generally have larger asset basses per population.

To get a better indication of where Councils are at financially, I’ve compared all of New Zealand’s Local Bodies equally ranked on three factors: Debt ratio (total Liabilities over Assets) (where lowest is best), Financial Costs as a proportion of total Operating Costs (where lowest best), and Financial Costs as a proportion of Loans (where highest best).

The combined ranking (1st is worst) of these three factors is intended to compare Councils on what they’re borrowing, how fast they’re paying it back, and how much impact any borrowings are having on the Council.

Debt
Ranking

Council

Region

Type

Assets
$000's

Loans
$000's

Liabilities
$000's

Fin Costs
$000's

OpEx
$000's

Liabilities /
Assets (%)

Fin Costs /
OpEx (%)

Fin Costs /
Loans (%)

1 Kaipara Northland District 557,630 82,745 89,004 3,596 40,334 15.96 8.92 4.35
2 Waitomo Waikato District 294,552 45,372 50,639 2,524 22,840 17.19 11.05 5.56
3 Hamilton Waikato City 3,550,352 394,076 459,482 20,470 207,249 12.94 9.88 5.19
4 Dunedin Otago City 3,035,728 325,873 400,374 11,171 201,387 13.19 5.55 3.43
5 Auckland Auckland City 30,626,000 2,976,000 4,146,000 173,000 1,318,000 13.54 13.13 5.81
6 Tauranga Bay of Plenty City 3,592,992 398,774 485,948 23,621 147,584 13.52 16.01 5.92
7 Tasman Tasman District 1,246,828 139,587 160,366 7,372 91,643 12.86 8.04 5.28
8 Rotorua Bay of Plenty District 1,068,194 134,066 170,213 7,797 107,318 15.93 7.27 5.82
9 Taupo Bay of Plenty District 1,328,462 150,464 171,937 8,987 80,233 12.94 11.20 5.97
10 Whangarei Northland District 1,552,495 147,937 177,195 8,049 119,160 11.41 6.75 5.44
11 Greater Wellington Wellington Regional 834,603 161,284 161,284 5,424 170,714 19.32 3.18 3.36
12 Western Bay of Plenty Bay of Plenty District 1,167,417 150,437 174,755 10,341 69,896 14.97 14.79 6.87
13 South Taranaki Taranaki District 870,078 82,154 91,192 4,938 53,926 10.48 9.16 6.01
14 Timaru Canterbury District 782,743 60,655 77,203 3,555 55,744 9.86 6.38 5.86
15 Queenstown-Lakes Otago District 911,035 98,227 114,893 6,469 79,012 12.61 8.19 6.59
16 Wanganui Manawatu-Wanganui District 895,250 88,550 106,606 5,854 64,851 11.91 9.03 6.61
17 Bay of Plenty Bay of Plenty Regional 493,057 0 91,654 0 77,121 18.59 0.00 0.00
18 Far North Northland District 1,636,506 109,323 133,425 6,187 103,145 8.15 6.00 5.66
19 Kapiti Coast Wellington District 829,607 66,547 91,841 4,473 54,791 11.07 8.16 6.72
20 Matamata-Piako Waikato District 582,265 34,999 44,042 1,929 42,382 7.56 4.55 5.51
21 Palmerston North Manawatu-Wanganui City 1,346,591 139,672 165,451 11,132 103,781 12.29 10.73 7.97
22 Christchurch Canterbury City 7,593,726 504,126 700,979 25,712 729,289 9.23 3.53 5.10
23 Buller West Coast District 325,419 23,024 29,909 1,512 24,531 9.19 6.16 6.57
24 Ashburton Canterbury District 615,207 38,544 44,510 2,235 47,286 7.23 4.73 5.80
25 Whakatane Bay of Plenty District 670,422 40,510 55,733 2,146 60,623 8.31 3.54 5.30
26 Horowhenua Manawatu-Wanganui District 421,043 31,000 41,218 2,099 37,956 9.79 5.53 6.77
27 Masterton Wellington District 706,738 26,780 37,241 1,464 32,919 5.27 4.45 5.47
28 Wellington Wellington City 6,683,757 331,437 487,401 19,872 400,039 7.29 4.97 6.00
29 Otorohanga Waikato District 248,767 13,448 16,175 857 14,253 6.50 6.01 6.37
30 Ruapehu Manawatu-Wanganui District 355,573 26,320 33,227 1,894 28,698 9.34 6.60 7.20
31 Selwyn Canterbury District 1,193,034 53,080 67,617 3,198 58,242 5.67 5.49 6.02
32 Hutt Wellington City 1,258,384 77,993 109,279 4,640 123,269 8.68 3.76 5.95
33 New Plymouth Taranaki District 2,242,586 104,354 125,162 6,272 121,480 5.58 5.16 6.01
34 Westland West Coast District 399,947 13,528 17,145 435 16,731 4.29 2.60 3.22
35 Manawatu-Wanganui Manawatu-Wanganui Regional 420,008 25,000 33,272 1,485 47,471 7.92 3.13 5.94
36 Northland Northland Regional 122,859 0 5,938 38 25,497 4.83 0.15 0.00
37 Hurunui Canterbury District 335,835 11,402 16,542 448 28,358 4.93 1.58 3.93
38 Waikato Waikato Regional 437,697 0 18,611 257 94,274 4.25 0.27 0.00
39 Southland Southland Regional 76,517 0 3,333 42 20,170 4.36 0.21 0.00
40 Waimakariri Canterbury District 1,084,036 38,065 55,495 2,212 61,212 5.12 3.61 5.81
41 Nelson Nelson City 1,222,642 59,745 76,966 4,566 76,248 6.30 5.99 7.64
42 Hawke's Bay Hawke's Bay Regional 429,236 11,352 20,086 544 35,561 4.68 1.53 4.79
43 Taranaki Taranaki Regional 78,374 0 3,901 0 18,620 4.98 0.00 0.00
44 Grey West Coast District 328,293 13,467 18,874 858 23,429 5.75 3.66 6.37
45 Hastings Hawke's Bay District 1,554,089 58,171 81,469 3,712 90,233 5.24 4.11 6.38
46 Chatham Islands Chatham Islands District 46,129 576 2,380 28 6,527 5.16 0.43 4.86
47 Kaikoura Canterbury District 163,284 6,275 8,555 418 9,495 5.24 4.40 6.66
48 Opotiki Bay of Plenty District 185,233 4,185 7,519 209 10,799 4.06 1.94 4.99
49 Thames-Coromandel Waikato District 1,243,983 45,540 70,062 3,130 73,977 5.63 4.23 6.87
50 Invercargill Southland City 694,551 37,597 52,246 2,692 68,805 7.52 3.91 7.16
51 West Coast West Coast Regional 68,981 2,399 6,457 170 8,596 9.36 1.98 7.09
52 Porirua Wellington City 1,147,201 40,239 63,209 3,137 66,960 5.51 4.68 7.80
53 Marlborough Marlborough District 1,302,239 17,396 38,082 598 85,612 2.92 0.70 3.44
54 South Waikato Waikato District 357,741 6,576 12,204 337 27,265 3.41 1.24 5.12
55 Hauraki Waikato District 517,616 16,769 24,230 1,141 27,778 4.68 4.11 6.80
56 Rangitikei Manawatu-Wanganui District 485,110 0 5,843 16 30,846 1.20 0.05 0.00
57 Gore Southland District 349,316 10,949 13,824 746 17,040 3.96 4.38 6.81
58 Stratford Taranaki District 294,940 3,201 5,448 146 13,774 1.85 1.06 4.56
59 Canterbury Canterbury Regional 700,776 6,975 23,934 359 128,391 3.42 0.28 5.15
60 Wairoa Hawke's Bay District 208,990 0 4,812 0 22,982 2.30 0.00 0.00
61 Central Hawke's Bay Hawke's Bay District 723,871 12,501 14,958   27,722 2.07 0.00 0.00
62 Otago Otago Regional 425,875 0 6,247 0 45,814 1.47 0.00 0.00
63 Waipa Waikato District 1,113,401 31,000 40,868 2,174 58,176 3.67 3.74 7.01
64 Upper Hutt Wellington City 604,057 20,512 27,986 1,592 41,582 4.63 3.83 7.76
65 South Wairarapa Wellington District 374,347 8,399 11,708 639 14,819 3.13 4.31 7.61
66 Mackenzie Canterbury District 185,520 0 1,464 0 10,421 0.79 0.00 0.00
67 Central Otago Otago District 645,757 0 4,840 0 31,497 0.75 0.00 0.00
68 Tararua Manawatu-Wanganui District 869,011 16,052 20,737 1,151 28,818 2.39 3.99 7.17
69 Gisborne Gisborne District 1,846,479 33,874 52,887 2,890 74,603 2.86 3.87 8.53
70 Manawatu Manawatu-Wanganui District 579,071 12,024 19,852 959 38,718 3.43 2.48 7.98
71 Carterton Wellington District 150,095 1,636 4,419 117 13,191 2.94 0.89 7.15
72 Waikato Waikato District 1,403,585 24,225 42,177 1,954 70,375 3.00 2.78 8.07
73 Clutha Otago District 904,919 15 6,181 1 37,303 0.68 0.00 6.67
74 Napier Hawke's Bay City 1,345,845 4,036 19,813 394 71,964 1.47 0.55 9.76
75 Waimate Canterbury District 376,270 1,280 2,969 161 12,504 0.79 1.29 12.58
76 Kawerau Bay of Plenty District 64,165 3 1,696 1 9,435 2.64 0.01 33.33
77 Southland Southland District 1,341,241 387 11,134 31 58,652 0.83 0.05 8.01
78 Waitaki Otago District 690,162 11 8,002 3 41,451 1.16 0.01 27.27
  Total     107,416,335 7,652,720 10,300,330 438,581 6,713,392 9.59 6.53 5.73
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Figures are based on the Financial year ending June 2011. Note that both the Kaipara and Tararua District Councils have yet to publish their audited Financial Reports, so the 2011 Annual Plan figures have been used for both these Councils.